Who I Am

I’m aware that more and more I am exercising my right to choose, to change my mind, to be and act more consciously from a higher ground. I’m stepping more and more into who I truly am.

Recently, some requirements of the volunteer work I was thinking of doing came to light and I found myself having a charge around them. After a bit of soul searching, I realized that, while the organization was doing meaningful, wonderful work for its clients, I could not be a part of it because of some philosophical differences.

Now I’d have to tell the volunteer coordinator. Oh. I’d have to stick to my truth, be diplomatic, and not feel like I’d killed someone because I’d changed my mind - even though I’d not even filled out an application yet!

When this person returned my phone call, I took a deep breath, said a very quick prayer, and took the call. I was diplomatic, focused, and complimentary. I blamed no one and offered encouragement. I stood in my truth, confident with God.

There are other places where I can serve and not have to sacrifice my integrity. I’m sticking with those. I’m standing my ground, open to God’s will for me.

It feels good to say “no” in whatever form it may take, instead of trying to people please and hurting everyone in the process anyway. With Spirit an integral part of me, I can be and act - and serve- as the holy child of God I truly am.

Only With God

Once again, this morning I came upon a reference to the poem by James Dillet Freeman called “I Am There.” So I figured it was about time to read it and found it online.

Reading it was perfect timing. Friday had included a challenging client situation, then Saturday and Sunday were full of spiritual nourishment, fun, and laughter (I actually took the weekend off, the first time in a l-o-n-g while). And, now I’m back to Monday, feeling a bit of apprehension in the pit of my stomach.

But as Rog pointed out, that is the way of the world: a roller coaster ride filled with emotional and mental ups and downs; I’ve never liked roller coaster rides. Still whatever is going on is a reflection of what’s inside of me still left to heal - and an opportunity to do so.

As a spiritual being having a human experience, reading Freeman’s poem helped to move the current roller coaster ride towards an incline. In “I Am There” God describes how It is all around and always available. Even when I cannot feel God, or I deny Spirit, in my fear, in my pain, in my feeling alone, God is there. It is only in my mind that I can feel separate from God and I need to get myself out of the way to discover the Oneness and the Power. Of myself I can do nothing, but God can do all. God is in all.

I’m working on transforming the roller coaster rides of life to something more like the boat rides of “It’s a Small World” at Disneyland. It is only with God, Who is always there, that I will succeed and come to peace.

In God's Care

In the Silence, sitting upright with my feet flat on the floor in my office, I imagine roots flowing from my soles extending deep into Mother Earth... Deep, deep, deep. Ahhh... Connected.

I get to thinking how I suppose it is evident that as far back as I can remember I’d hoped that someone, somebody would take care of me. And, you know what? Not one man ever did!

I suppose this expectation, perhaps yearning, stems from my very early childhood days. With three sibs (two sets of twins all together), a dad busy working trying to feed six mouths, a mom whose own mom died when she was 18 months old due to complications arising from birthing her, etc., it was difficult to feel cared for.

Sitting in the Silence, feeling the roots flowing from my soles extending deep into Mother Earth, I realize that I AM cared for. God takes care of me with every breath I breathe, every millisecond of this life, all lives past and any more to come, whatever the dimension, whatever the world.

I am a child of God, of no one else. And, I am in God’s care always.

Questions for God

God, I have some questions for You…
Do you exist?
What about you … do you exist?
Of course I do.
Then so do I.

Where are You?
What about you … where are you?
I am here.
Then so am I.

I cannot see You.
Look in the mirror.
There is only myself.
Then you can see Me.

I cannot hear You.
Listen carefully.
There is only silence.
Then you can hear Me.

Do You love me?
What about you … do you love yourself?
How can I know? You are Love.
So are you.

Who are You?
What about you … who are you?
I do not know. I am what I am.
Then you know.

Why do You answer with so many questions?
Why do you ask?
Because you are God.
So are you!

“In the depths of silence you will hear my Voice
in answer to your thousand questions.”

- From A Rainbow to God