Glowing

In my early years of 12 Step program work and cultivating my relationship with my Higher Power, people new to my life as well as old, would comment that there was something “different” about me. Yes, I had lost some weight, but that was not quite it. I was “glowing” many would say.

Most could not pinpoint the reason back of it, just as Bill initially couldn’t when Ebby visited him (Alcoholics Anonymous, page 9). Bill was amazed that his friend was sober, but there was something in addition to his sobriety. Ebby explains that he has found “religion” (in this case, aka “spirituality”) and a God of his understanding. And so it was with me.

In the years since, my glow has ebbed and flowed, ebbed and flowed. But last night in my class “Spiritual Evolution in Consciousness” someone told me I was “glowing” and another commented that I seemed uplifted. I didn’t have a chance to reply, but I know it was for the same reason as it was for Ebby and for me off and on over the years of my spiritual journey.

Spending more and more time with Spirit, especially in the realm of gathering with fellow journeyers, strengthens my inner divine spark. My heart opens, my character assets come to the foreground (and remain there longer), I am at peace and in love and joy. All because of my deepened relationship with the God of my understanding.

Putting God first in my life, puts the glow in me, and I shine from the inside out. I serve God as a power of example to others about what Higher Power can do for me that I never could do for myself. I am grateful.

The Look of God

Although my parents were not religious and I became a devout atheist at a young age, I nevertheless grew up with this visual as God as an anthropomorphic being.

Like many in the predominant Judeo-Christian culture of America, God was this huge man with a long white beard. And, in my mind, He sat on a throne, looking down, passing judgment on humans and instilling fear in them. Even as a young child I never ‘got’ how a Being who I had been told was supposed to be all powerful, all knowing, and all loving, could also be a punishing One. This contributed to my not believing in God.

Thanks to page 12 in the book Alcoholics Anonymous, where the novel idea of choosing one’s own conception of God was proposed, I came to believe. And in choosing my own belief in an all powerful, all knowing, and all loving Being - a God of my understanding -, the face of God changed. And changed... and changed.

These days God is Spirit, Higher Power, The Great Mystery, and known to me by many other names. Its look is usually not anthropomorphic, except perhaps when Spirit takes on human form as an angel in my life. The look of God is fluid for me – but the qualities are not.

So while I may sometimes visualize my Higher Power as this great energy field, a huge wonderful wave washing over me, or all of Nature surrounding me, God remains eternally all powerful, all knowing, and all loving.

I’ve also come to know many other wonderful qualities of Mother Father God: great Comforter, ultimate Listener, peaceful, Helper, Companion, interested only in my highest good, and, of course, always with me.

Since my early days as a child, I’ve sure come a long way in my relationship with God. It’s the ultimate journey of my life and one I’m glad I didn’t miss.

Spiritual Prescription

Last night I watched the Hallmark Hall of Fame movie “My Name is Bill W.”, the story of the co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous. I have often heard it said in the 12 Step rooms that the coming together of Bill Wilson and Dr. Bob Smith and their formulation of the 12 Step principles was a miracle. And many others describe AA as the greatest spiritual movement of the 20th century. I’d have to agree.

This coming June will be the 75th anniversary of the start of AA... and this March marks 20 years that I first stepped into the rooms of Overeaters Anonymous (OA).

Not only did I get help with the physical issue of my eating disorder, but even more importantly, I got the spiritual help my soul was crying out for (unbeknownst to me). As I’ve learned, whatever manifests in the physical is the end result of something spiritual in nature. And, a foundation for living was given to me; I am so grateful for the guidance.

Bill W. wrote in the September 1947 issue of Guideposts the following:

“Our most enthusiastic friends think Alcoholics Anonymous is a modern miracle. So they ask, "Why can't A.A. principles be applied to any personal problem?" The world today is a problem world because it is full of problem people. We are now on the greatest emotional bender of all time; practically no one of us is free from the tightening coils of insecurity, fear, resentment and avarice. If A.A. can revive an alcoholic by removing these paralyzing liabilities from him, it must be strong medicine. Perhaps the rest of us could use the same prescription.”

Surely these days there are many going through life without a compass. Especially in these accelerated and crazy times, a spiritual prescription is the key for waking up and living in joy, peace, and love regardless of outer appearances.

A Part of Me

As I was sitting in the Silence this morning, my mind wasn’t so silent. My ego was off making judgments about other people. But then, the Seventh Step Prayer from Alcoholics Anonymous came to mind and stopped my wrong mindedness in its tracks.

“My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding. Amen.” (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 76)

One of the many wonderful blessings of being in Program many years and having attended I don’t know how many hundreds of meetings during that time, is that many pearls of wisdom are ingrained in my psyche (soul) and can resurface at just the right time to help me with a situation, to get me back on course.

Judgment is a character defect of mine that still rears its ugly head from time to time. It’s a symptom signaling I am into myself and making comparisons, instead of being right-sized and in my right mind. The Seventh Step is about shifting my attitude so that I move out of myself toward others and God.

Having the words of the prayer come to mind did just that, and I gratefully went back to being in the Silence with God.

Reaching Bottom

In the 12 Step program one hears about “reaching bottom,” the idea that an individual has to get so far down, be in so much pain, before they will start on the road to recovery. Concerned members often pray that their fellows reach a bottom low enough to effect a change. However, although the founders and early members of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) had very low bottoms before they started their recovery, it was believed that those who followed wouldn’t have to reach such depths, that their bottoms could be ‘higher.’

The solution the 12 Step program offers focuses on a person finding a Power greater than themselves to help them with their problem (alcohol, food, sex, gambling, etc.) and this occurs through having a spiritual experience or spiritual awakening. The book Alcoholics Anonymous quotes Dr. Carl Jung as saying that such experiences “...appear to be in the nature of the huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them.” (page 27).

I believe that reaching bottom applies to not only people but to companies, organizations, and even nations. The United States of America, and numerous other countries for that matter, has been on a downward spiraling path to the bottom for a while in politics, finances, health care, environment – the list goes on and on. Values and behaviors have deteriorated to a disgraceful degree. It’s leading to a huge wake up call – and that is a blessing.

But what if we – as a nation, a planet - didn’t have to reach a low, low bottom to get the message and make a change? I’d been thinking that the bottom is going to be terrifically low and painful before people start waking up as to what’s really important in life (and it ain’t money and material things I assure you). But perhaps I’m wrong. Perhaps our bottom as a people, as a planet, is a high bottom and sufficient enough now for a transformation.

The words spoken yesterday throughout the U.S. Presidential Inaugural Ceremony - the oaths, address, and prayers -, and the response of the people makes me dare to hope that we have reached a sufficient bottom collectively.

I’m going to stop praying for the world and its people to reach their lowest bottom so that recovery can commence. Instead, I’m going to pray that the world be ready now to have that spiritual experience and awakening, that now people walk the walk of love, peace, and joy. That we are ready now to be what we truly are.

May God bless not just America, but all of us!

A Change in Soul

According to Emmet Fox, prayer is “...our only means of returning to our communion with God” and “... is the only thing that change’s one character. A change in character, or a change in soul, is a real change.“ (The Sermon on the Mount – The Key to Success in Life, page 41)

This reminds me of the story set forth in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, in which an alcoholic American businessman was told by Dr. Carl Jung that the only possible hope for the man’s recovery was to have a vital spiritual experience. To Jung, “...these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional displacements and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once guiding forces ... are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate...” (page 27).

With this spiritual experience, we tap into a resource which is something greater than ourselves and experience a profound alteration in how we deal with life. This is certainly how it was for me when I ventured into the 12 Step program many years ago. As I studied and practiced the principles of the program to the best of my ability, over time my soul was changed, awakened – which could only be for the better. It was changed by a Power greater than myself and as I expressed those changes, there was a ripple effect on others. My awakening always affects the world in some way.

So it is with prayer. We cannot pray without making a difference in ourselves to some degree and hence in others.

Any time I pray, it is a spiritual experience, one in which my soul is changed, and to some extent yours too. We are One.

My Story Continues...

[Continued from Yesterday’s Blog]

The day I departed for my first trip to Europe with six weeks of sobriety and 12 Step recovery under my belt, I had planned to work a good portion of the day and then leave directly for the airport from my office. I was delayed (ya know, just one more thing...), and rushed out of the World Financial Center in lower Manhattan hoping I would not miss my flight; I did not.

The plane was boarded, an older gentleman sat down next to me, and then he started making a fuss about the luggage under our seats. Nonetheless we settled in, the plane took flight, and before I knew it, my fellow traveler was placing a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous into the pouch in front of him! Excited and feeling an instant connection with him, I turned to him and told him I had a copy of the Big Book with me too. Thus a dreaded 7-hour flight to Rome sped by as we talked in the same language about the Program, our feelings, and our experiences.

This was synchronicity at work for numerous reasons and I chuckled that:
. In this plane with 300 or so passenger seats, a member of a 12 Step Fellowship was assigned to a seat next to me
. His unmistakable membership in this anonymous association was revealed to me (and early in the trip)
. Peter was an American (like me) from the northeastern United States (like me) in a planeload mostly full of Italian-speaking Romans
. Last, but certainly not least, Peter was a Christian missionary stationed in Rome!

The significance here for me was strong. I was not left alone, new in my sobriety and new in my traveling to Europe. I got to enjoy the company of a ‘man of the cloth’ whereas up until this time, I had looked askance at ‘such people.’ Also, this came at a time when I was actively searching for a higher power. I walked off that plane onto another continent with a new attitude, my perspective shifted.

Upon hearing this story, my dear friend Jay (a member of the AA Fellowship) said to me “Even you, Joyce, have to admit this had to be more than a coincidence...” Indeed, even I. I chuckled, knowing (and glad) that my evolving conception of a higher power had a sense of humor.

My Story Begins...

The Gilbert Spirituality MeetUp Group met the other night and the topic was God Stories. We mostly focused on sharing incidents in which events happened which could not be a coincidence – or at least the person involved thought so, which is all that matters.

The idea of synchronicity was developed by Carl Jung and has special meaning for me. It was the way in which I came to believe in God. One of my first conscious “encounters” – after all God is always making Its Presence known but I often am not paying attention – occurred when I was newly on my path.

I walked into the rooms of of a 12 Step program of recovery for eating disorders in March 1990 in New York City, bringing with me 19 years of ‘hard core’ atheism. I held a strong belief and daily practice based on Ayn Rand’s philosophy of Objectivism where reason and logic were the answer to everything and self-sufficiency, along with perfectionism, was extreme. I had a great disdain for organized religion, and would barely give a member of the clergy the time of day if asked to. But, I considered myself a ‘free thinker’!

Six weeks later, abstinent (sober) for that period, I was on my way to Europe for the first time. Being so new to the OA program and traveling into unfamiliar territory, I was concerned about my ability to remain abstinent. I endeavored to get a copy of the Big Book, the ‘bible’ of the program Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) on which my particular program was based, and secured a copy in the nick of time. Reading this, indeed just having it with me, was to help ‘protect’ me from my disease of compulsive overeating. I had not yet developed a conception of a higher power to help me. I was about to get a clear demonstration of Higher Power at work.