Prison and God

My obsession was all-powerful. Summoning all my resources, I could not dislodge it. Then three simple words did the trick: “Came to believe.” - Anonymous
We were prisoners of our obsessions. No more. Three words, “came to believe,” were the key that unlocked the gates of our personal prison.
When we rely on this power, wonderful and unexplainable things happen. Once this power unlocks the prison gates, anything is possible.
- In God’s Care, June 1

There are many ways we can be imprisoned.

One of my spiritual teachers began his spiritual awakening 30+ years ago while incarcerated. He’d run away from home when he was 13, then landed up in reform schools, jails, and the state penitentiary. This last stop was for a crime he’d not committed, but his hope of ever being released was dismal. Then he had a spiritual experience while lying in his bunk one day. It changed his attitude toward his defense lawyer and from there, miracles started happening. He was set free and his life has been about waking up and service ever since.

With all this teacher went through, he is fond of saying that he prefers his prison to have bars.

Yep, it certainly is easier when I can concretely see how I limit myself. When I was in the throes of my eating addiction, I finally was able to see that it was a symptom of something deeper. When I became open to asking for help, it was the beginning of the process of my release from prison.

When this devout atheist heard that she could choose her own conception of God, then “came to believe,” the key was turned and my prison door unlocked. Since then, relying on a Power greater than myself, I’ve been stepping out more and more from the prison of the ego, something I cannot always see as clearly has the bars of a prison cell, but surely quite as dismal.

Cultivating a close relationship with Spirit, my life has been filled with miracle upon miracle, and my soul has rejoiced. Coming to believe was the answer to my prison release and the beginning of my waking up to The Presence and this new earth.

Certainty

As was pointed out to me in a morning reading, when I was practicing my addiction (food binging), my life was full of uncertainty. But I seemed to have trusted that my addiction would see me through any trouble, anything in life I might encounter. And to add to my particular case as a devout atheist, I surely only had me to rely on. Still, uncertainty didn’t seem to be that much of an issue even though being in the fog of addiction, ego, and unconsciousness I was not able to make healthy, loving choices.

But coming to believe and slowly waking up, I started looking for guarantees, for certainty. God provides that certainty but only if I trust and have faith. These days I think I’m really starting to internalize that God is taking care of me. It may not always be evident to me, it may not always be the way I’d like it. But when all is said and done, God’s plan is always far better than mine could ever be.

These days I think I’m ‘getting it’ sooner - not after the fact, but before the plan is revealed - that God is taking care of me and to trust The Plan.

The certainty that God provides is that whatever I might go through, Spirit will be with me. Some of the other certainties I believe in are:

- God loves me no matter what - Its love and grace do not have to be ‘earned.’ That love means that only the highest good is meant for me.
- All that occurs is a blessing and for my upliftment (there’s no losing here).
- The more I put into my relationship with God, the better my life will be, the more joy and love I will feel.

As I heal and wake up, I am better able to be an instrument for God, to help others see what is important and certain in their life.

Principles to Live By

There are a number of qualities I’ve cultivated in my years in 12 Step program which were introduced to me vis-à-vis my addiction. As times passes by, I am grateful to see how very often I apply them in my daily life. Things like patience, perseverance, humility, honesty, faith, etc.; these are principles that sum up each of the 12 Steps.

In providing computer-related services to clients, there are times when I get hung up in my work. It could be due to my own lack of knowledge and experience or a glitch in the software I am using. Most everyone knows how computers can be: you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them!

Over a quick lunch break today, Rog was kind enough to let me vent some of the issues I was wrestling with on my current project, for which I’ve been burning the midnight oil on and is due tomorrow. I told him that although they’re frustrating and costing me precious time, in a way I’m still pretty calm. Rog said, “You mean, like you’re not ready to throw the computer out the window yet,” a situation that he knows I’ve coached clients with.

Wow - yeah, that’s right, I’m not ready to throw the computer out the window yet. I’ve still got patience left in me. My perseverance is strong. I am humble and know I don’t have to be perfect. I can be honest and admit my weaknesses. I have numerous resources to go to for help. Perhaps mainly I’m in this space because these days I know I’m not alone.

I’ll say a specific prayer to Spirit before I go back to this project. And, I’ll have confidence that between God, my positive attitude, and the software vendor’s customer service, my work will unfold with ease and grace.

Thank you, Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob, and Spirit for the gift of a way of life that helps me in all matters, paving the way for me to be “happy, joyous, and free.”

Always Available

I entered the 12 Step program in March 1990 as a devout atheist. I soon discovered that people read daily meditation books related to their specific addiction, which helped them start their day off with some inspiration and contemplation. The words “God” or “Higher Power” could be found among the passages and it took some getting used to. Nonetheless, I really enjoyed the readings and found them helpful with my addiction of choice.

Within about six months, I was solidly believing in a Power greater than myself. Lo and behold, in February 1991 a publisher of recovery material came out with a new meditation book entitled In God’s Care (As We Understand God), Daily Meditations on Spirituality in Recovery. I embraced this little book because I wanted to be more focused on spirituality than on my addiction.

I gave my first copy, filled with lots of yellow highlights and black underscores, to a dear friend who was in AA, when he became seriously ill (I mentioned Jay in one of my first blogs). He made his transition some time later and I never got it back. I’m on my second copy now, 15+ years old.

My path has taken me beyond the 12 Steps, but I never tire of this book and still find joy and inspiration from reading of it. I can even read it online when the hard copy is not nearby. So, here’s part of today’s message:

“We see things not as they are, but as we are.” – H. M. Tomlinson

...Our more positive attitude today changes our understanding of earlier experiences... If we rely on God’s help, we’ll come to understand all our experiences as opportunities for growth and fulfillment. We can trust them, live through them, and be grateful for their contribution to our spiritual development.

The attitude we harbor is powerful...God is always available to help us accept the circumstances of our life.

In the midst of our latest adventures of bankruptcy, foreclosure, building our businesses, and looking for a place to hang our hats, both Rog and I are doing our spiritual work, staying connected to HP, and keeping a positive, joyful attitude. God is always available - to guide us, help us, uplift us.

Joy of the Deepest Kind

I get a thrill when a message in my various daily morning readings shows up in more than one, for I feel that there is synchronicity there and Spirit is clearly trying to communicate something that’s pretty important. This morning I got my thrill.

The topic of today’s Daily Word was Listen. The text included: In prayer, meditation, or with my own intuition, I pause and know what I am to do. For the good of myself, those near to me, and those I have yet to meet, I listen for and act on spiritual guidance.

Excerpted from today’s Science of Mind reading:

When we have reached the place of “nowhere to turn,” let us remind ourselves, as Jesus taught, it is the Father within who doeth the work. Our only responsibility is to go within to our own Christ Consciousness and accept divine guidance.

We begin to experience harmony in our lives and affairs to the degree that we allow spiritual guidance to influence our lives.

Affirmation
I lift my heart and mind to dwell on spiritual truths. I am transformed by the renewing of my mind.

Which leads me to today’s reading in Norman Vincent Peale’s Positive Living Day by Day: The individual who finds something useful to do beyond himself, who gives of himself, knows joy of the deepest kind.

For most of the past 20 years, a great deal of my ‘going beyond myself’ has been aimed at the 12 Step community. I came to believe in a Power greater than myself, recover from my addiction, and had my life and being transformed drastically. I found community that I so easily felt a part of. And, there I found meaning and purpose to my life as in no other place. I volunteered in a myriad of positions and, more importantly, directly helped people through peer counseling and holding a sacred place. This getting out of myself, going beyond myself, and finding something greater to contribute to the healing of the world brought me great joy. And, that joy is the deepest joy, feeling one with Spirit.

Since becoming inactive in the OA these last couple of years as my spiritual path took me beyond the 12 Steps, and not giving of much of myself in that way, I have lost and missed that higher meaning and purpose to my life. And, despite joys and many blessings in my life today, that “joy of the deepest kind” is asleep and I find my life and affairs not as harmonious as they could be.

Through increased prayer, meditation, my own intuition, and affirmation of my own Christ Consciousness, I am moving towards reawakening that joy as I look to serve in something bigger than me. I’m getting messages as to where to be of service and I am acting on that guidance. I am grateful.

As I give of myself, to that which is greater than myself, I heal myself and others. That is Oneness, that is God. Therein lays “joy of the deepest kind.”