Whose Plan?

I’ve been pushing myself to meet deadlines, participate in spiritually-focused events, attend to ADL’s (activities of daily living), and fulfill other commitments. And, I’m beat. It’s not really fun pushing, pushing, pushing. I just can’t do it all... something has to give... I need to let go.

Yes, I’m exhausted physically, and beat emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. I need to let go of controlling finances, time, people... As if I could really control anything or anyone!

So I surrender to that Divine Wisdom that knows all is in perfect order... to the Source that created me happy, joyous, and free - not tied to deadlines and obligations.

In cramming and striving to meet deadlines, I’m cramming The Presence too. It’s difficult to feel peace and joy when my entire being feels contracted and squished. So I pause, breathe, and give my trust to Spirit. I release my concerns to God and I am at peace.

All I have is this moment... Despite my planning and scheduling, when it comes down to it, all I have is Now. I can sketch in the pieces of my life, but I must remain flexible and open to the idea that things don’t unfold in Joyce’s time. I must surrender.

Dear Beloved, Holy Presence-
Thank You, thank You, thank You for the pause and the breath that refresh me to then move on to carry out Your plan.

It's God

Life is not meant to be focused on stress and worry, but on freedom and joy (culled from Today’s Daily Word, April 17, 2010). Stress and worry come from ego, freedom and joy emanate from Spirit.

Thus it is natural for me to feel more connected to God when I feel free and full of joy. And, it is a sacred circle dance: as I focus on God, I feel free and full of joy, and feeling free and joyful, I feel greater connection to God.

I’ve been wondering if the gratitude I have felt recently - the natural, ‘unforced’ kind with my heart singing - is perhaps also joy. It seems that they go hand-in-hand as well.

Regardless of the labels, it is clear to me that my spirit is feeling very much lifted up these days. It’s not dependent on outside people or circumstances; it’s something within. To me, it’s God.

Autumn 2009

It was brought to my attention the other evening that it was the fall equinox. Normally, I pay attention when a new season begins but for some reason this year, autumn didn’t register in my consciousness until my friend mentioned it.

Actually, it turns out that officially the autumnal equinox was yesterday, 09/22 at 5:18 PM (EDT). The equinox is one of two times a year when the Sun crosses the equator, and the day and night are of approximately equal length.

I’ve been thinking about why this time around I was not mindful of the change in seasons, and what does this new season mean to me this year.

“Fall” is about down, about ending. One thing that’s ending is summer – here in Gilbert, that’s a blessing! We don’t usually think of “down” as a blessing – but we could. Perhaps it’s because it’s still pretty hot here and I never expected us to still be living in Gilbert when the fall came, that I lost track of the seasons.

“Autumn” we borrowed from the Latin autumnus ‘the harvest time of plenty.’ We’re excited that the heat is ending - there’s a lot ending these days. Transformation is in the air. And with it, a bountiful harvest.

While fall is usually about moving towards hibernating in winter, we feel a great and wonderful expectancy, in a way as if it were spring, the season for rebirth. There is a New World coming, one filled with more and more community and true meaning in life. One where our life is not focused on and attempting to glean meaning from accumulating money and material things. Rather, we’re quickly moving into the space where our life is focused on love, peace, and joy in our relationships with humans, plants, and animals. This ex-atheist sees it as a time of walking even more and more with Spirit.

A song by Nina Simone comes to mind. Although I was first introduced to it back in the early 70’s, it feels like it was written for these times.

New World Coming by Nina Simone (excerpt)

There's a new world coming
And it's just around the bend
There's a new world coming
This one's coming to an end

There's a new voice calling
You can hear it if you try
And it's growing stronger
With each day that passes by

There's a brand new morning
Rising clear and sweet and free
There's a new day dawning
That belongs to you and me

Yes a new world's coming
The one we've had visions of
Coming in peace, coming in joy
Coming in love.

These are exciting times - Happy Autumn!

What God Wants

Karen Casey (In God’s Care, August 20) suggests that maybe what God wants is for us to just be free of the things that come between us and God. Hmmm.

Sure, there are things than come between me and God. And, I wonder how many of them are of my own doing? Furthermore, what is in my power to make a change?

Perhaps the biggest, most important ‘thing’ that comes between me and God, and the one that I have a choice about and power over, is taking care of myself. Not taking the time –and sufficient time– to be in the Silence impedes my spiritual condition and hence detracts from my relationship with God. That then trickles down into my relationship with others.

I can be free of this thing that comes between me and God if I make a greater commitment to us both to spend more time alone with Spirit every day, no matter where I am or what my schedule is.

Consider it done!

Principles to Live By

There are a number of qualities I’ve cultivated in my years in 12 Step program which were introduced to me vis-à-vis my addiction. As times passes by, I am grateful to see how very often I apply them in my daily life. Things like patience, perseverance, humility, honesty, faith, etc.; these are principles that sum up each of the 12 Steps.

In providing computer-related services to clients, there are times when I get hung up in my work. It could be due to my own lack of knowledge and experience or a glitch in the software I am using. Most everyone knows how computers can be: you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them!

Over a quick lunch break today, Rog was kind enough to let me vent some of the issues I was wrestling with on my current project, for which I’ve been burning the midnight oil on and is due tomorrow. I told him that although they’re frustrating and costing me precious time, in a way I’m still pretty calm. Rog said, “You mean, like you’re not ready to throw the computer out the window yet,” a situation that he knows I’ve coached clients with.

Wow - yeah, that’s right, I’m not ready to throw the computer out the window yet. I’ve still got patience left in me. My perseverance is strong. I am humble and know I don’t have to be perfect. I can be honest and admit my weaknesses. I have numerous resources to go to for help. Perhaps mainly I’m in this space because these days I know I’m not alone.

I’ll say a specific prayer to Spirit before I go back to this project. And, I’ll have confidence that between God, my positive attitude, and the software vendor’s customer service, my work will unfold with ease and grace.

Thank you, Bill Wilson, Dr. Bob, and Spirit for the gift of a way of life that helps me in all matters, paving the way for me to be “happy, joyous, and free.”

New Beginnings Ahead

One of this morning’s readings was about welcoming new beginnings, being free, and releasing an old pattern, thought, or behavior that no longer serves me. Another reading stated that only God knows what each of us needs to experience and learn. These two messages were apropos for the day.

Later in the morning we attended a bankruptcy trustee hearing in downtown Phoenix, thereby checking one more item off the list (although we’re not finished with this yet), one more step forward and closer to our future life – and a new beginning.

I’ve learned a lot going through this bankruptcy and foreclosure adventure with Rog but only Spirit knows if I’ve learned everything I was supposed to about managing finances, having faith, asking for help, etc. I’ve disposed of some old ideas and patterns, and incorporated changes in order to start anew.

With Spirit all things are possible, all is for my spiritual upliftment and growth, everything has a purpose. May I keep putting one foot in front of another to learn and welcome new beginnings as I walk my path with God.

Forgiveness

Today has been an exercise in forgiveness and a lot about letting go and letting God.

I have to forgive myself for trying to live a certain way in a world that is an ever shifting illusion where people are doing the best they can - including moi – and it simply is impossible to work anywhere near perfect.

I have to forgive myself and let go of expectations.

Okay, I do forgive myself for still playing the role of “good little girl.”

I forgive myself for thinking that others hold the same values as I do.

I forgive myself for living in the past and projecting into the future. There is only Now.

I forgive myself for not having answers to situations.

I forgive myself for judging my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

I forgive, turning it over to Spirit to be healed, and I am free.