Wanting God

“What do you think of God,” the teacher asked. After a pause, the young pupil replied, “He’s not a think, he’s a feel.” – Paul Frost

When I was an atheist, I couldn’t find the evidence of God’s existence. I was logical to the extreme and any discussion about a deity that I might engage in (which I tried not to) was totally from an intellectual standpoint. And, intellectually, I just couldn’t see the evidence proving the existence of God. But when I joined 12 Step program, and started opening my heart, started feeling, it was another story.

We simply cannot think our way to God, we have to feel our way. And, we have to want it. I wanted it because I had reached bottom with my eating disorder. I wanted a relationship with this Being when I observed the miracles in the lives of my new OA buddies. I wanted it because I wanted to have the same wonderful experiences that could only occur with having a relationship with God.

It’s been 19 years since “coming to believe” and I’m still the most logical person I know. But logic plays an increasingly smaller part in my life, and feeling The Presence, an ever-increasing one. I am grateful.